Felt you were always the odd one out?? Most of the time the answer is ‘yes’ … But later u thought it was just your imagination…. But still something inside u says it wasn’t???U think u complicate things?? U think the problem is with u?... felt lonely…sad… not always but sometimes… especially when u r depressed??? Had experiences like… talking to yourself?…losing yourself when u ought to be concentrating in your work?… clapping your hand on to your fore head all of a sudden and then u realize that your friends are looking at u as a ‘weirdo’?? Complaints from people that u always look depressed?... most of the time lost in your own world... thoughts popping into your head… pictures flashing in your mind… you are very much occupied with yourself???
When you open out to someone, u find yourself stupid??? Shocked when friend tells you that u are short tempered??? Woke up in the morning having dreamt the weirdest dream??…. When tried recollecting it… all felt blank… just traces of it lingering in your mind??? Always desired a dream less sleep?? U feel weird… again confused whether its your imagination or it’s the truth??? You come up with awful thoughts which you are scared to spill out??? Ever found yourself in a bewildered state when one of your fellow mates confess that he/she is scared of u??? Wanted to run away to some place where there is no other soul??? Ever felt like why it is always u… let it be home or work place or with friends… its always u… u who is being blamed for everything??? Is there a voice in your head which keeps talking to u??? When u are under depression or when u are confused, this voice worsens everything??? Have u felt like banging your head with something hard during such times??? Was silence the only thing u wanted??? All u wish is to stop that voice??? Do u visualize yourself stuffing huge lumps of cotton in to your head??? U wanna shout out loud????
How does it feel?? Fictious?? Or funny??? Hmmm…
I m quite ashamed to admit this, but when I m under depression I experience such stuffs…. All I do to stop that voice is listen to good music… Once when I was quite disturbed I tried listening to music as usual… Believe me I was not able to concentrate on the music. My mind was filled with thoughts…. I was not able to hear the music… its that voice in my head I heard…not the music. Neither was I able to cry nor show any emotion… I was confused… frustrated… I felt myself empty… numb… I was starring into nothingness… I was not able to submit myself to the melancholy I was listening to [which I usually do…]. I felt something heavy in me… and that echoing voice in my head made me feel terrible.
I slowly switched off the music. Still feeling empty and disturbed, I tried to sleep. I couldn’t find a pillow so laid on my mom’s lap. Know what happened?? It felt like heaven. The warmth of her body surrounding me like a shield… Some unknown energy entering my body… the emptiness being filled with happiness…My mind was blank. Her soft hands on my forehead, slowly brushing my head… I could feel the care in her touch. I almost felt like the baby in the womb… someone is there… to care for me… to love me… to protect me… to hold my hands… to accept me the way i m… and that voice… it was no where to be found… what more would I want??? I was really happy… silence at last… on the very lap of someone who truly loves me… wish time had stopped the very moment… hmmm… this silence is enough… I don’t need anything else………….
When you open out to someone, u find yourself stupid??? Shocked when friend tells you that u are short tempered??? Woke up in the morning having dreamt the weirdest dream??…. When tried recollecting it… all felt blank… just traces of it lingering in your mind??? Always desired a dream less sleep?? U feel weird… again confused whether its your imagination or it’s the truth??? You come up with awful thoughts which you are scared to spill out??? Ever found yourself in a bewildered state when one of your fellow mates confess that he/she is scared of u??? Wanted to run away to some place where there is no other soul??? Ever felt like why it is always u… let it be home or work place or with friends… its always u… u who is being blamed for everything??? Is there a voice in your head which keeps talking to u??? When u are under depression or when u are confused, this voice worsens everything??? Have u felt like banging your head with something hard during such times??? Was silence the only thing u wanted??? All u wish is to stop that voice??? Do u visualize yourself stuffing huge lumps of cotton in to your head??? U wanna shout out loud????
How does it feel?? Fictious?? Or funny??? Hmmm…
I m quite ashamed to admit this, but when I m under depression I experience such stuffs…. All I do to stop that voice is listen to good music… Once when I was quite disturbed I tried listening to music as usual… Believe me I was not able to concentrate on the music. My mind was filled with thoughts…. I was not able to hear the music… its that voice in my head I heard…not the music. Neither was I able to cry nor show any emotion… I was confused… frustrated… I felt myself empty… numb… I was starring into nothingness… I was not able to submit myself to the melancholy I was listening to [which I usually do…]. I felt something heavy in me… and that echoing voice in my head made me feel terrible.
I slowly switched off the music. Still feeling empty and disturbed, I tried to sleep. I couldn’t find a pillow so laid on my mom’s lap. Know what happened?? It felt like heaven. The warmth of her body surrounding me like a shield… Some unknown energy entering my body… the emptiness being filled with happiness…My mind was blank. Her soft hands on my forehead, slowly brushing my head… I could feel the care in her touch. I almost felt like the baby in the womb… someone is there… to care for me… to love me… to protect me… to hold my hands… to accept me the way i m… and that voice… it was no where to be found… what more would I want??? I was really happy… silence at last… on the very lap of someone who truly loves me… wish time had stopped the very moment… hmmm… this silence is enough… I don’t need anything else………….
